Putting My Life Back Together.

--From HiFructose Magazine, Brian McCarty...awesome.

Above is how I feel.
I'm not angry or upset anymore.
I'm not depressed, but I'm not happy.
I'm floating.
Lost admist all those unidentifiable shapes.
I identify with the sachrine colors, the happy sky, the free fall of it.
But I also see the dry cracked earth, the creepy little plastic figures, painted so happy, flying free in the breeze.
With it, but outside it all.
Clearly the meds have made me sentimental.
I love art.

This flu has kicked my behind.
I slept all day,
but at least now I feel like doing work.
I am finally getting things accomplished.
I only have 3 more readings for my impressionism course.
Test on Tuesday.
A 10 page paper for African Art...
that is super late, but hopefully she will accept it
b/c I love her...and I hope she loves me!
A biopsychology exam Thursday,
and job fair Tuesday.
Time to update the old CV...

Sick, Sick, Sick!

I have been so sick!
Fever, sore throat, horrible cough (with blood...gross I know).
I think I'm on the mend,
but I just saw on the news
that two women in New Orleans just died of the flue.
They were between 20-30.
Way to freak me out!
Apparently they were severe pnemonia cases,
cases that were immune to antibiotics.
Great.
Just skippy.

Had to get a note from the dean
for my jerk-off calculus teacher.
I'm heaving in front of him,
doctor's note in hand
and the man won't accept my request to postpone the test.
Though now he is willing to drop the grade.
Lovely.

I'm a very unhappy sick person.
My energy is coming back
and hopefully that will be enough to kick butt
on the next round of tests.

Got wait listed at Meharry.
I still want in!!!!
I hope it works out :-)

Lost 3.2 pounds at Weight Watchers.
Total of 7.6 thus far.
Woot. Woot.
Finally a positive!

Also a positive...
Kanye's new video.
Damn, I love Kanye.
When the video is on youtube I'll get it up,
in the meantime,
here is his performance of MaMa at the Grammy's.
One of my favorite songs of his,
and he is amazing.
I nearly teared up.
Damn, I love my mommy!

Presentation tomorrow.
So happy to be done.
I notice when I'm stressed,
my creative juices flow more.
I crave writing, and painting,
and photography.

My goal for the next two weeks is to center myself.
I am going home,
catching up with Andrew,
seeing my entire giant Cuban family,
getting my wisdom teeth pulled out,
back to school shopping,
and collecting my thoughts and ideas.

I need clarity and definition.
I need to focus on what my goals are,
and how I'm truly going to achieve them.
I will further elaborate on this,
when I personally have them straight.

I am happy to go home.
My teeth hurt!!!!
I hate wisdom teeth.
I'm actually looking forward to this surgery!!
Crazy.



Summer needs to come to an end.
I feel disappointed and in worse shape than I began.
Sadly,
from this dispair,
I feel inspired,
I understand why artists must be tortured to truly make art.

Ratatouille!

What a great weekend!
Saturday was quite productive.
I got my laundry done, vacuumed and
cleaned up a bit.
Then I went out to Taco Bell with Megan,
and later on Ms. Mae's.

It was such a great night.
We met so many new people.
Played pool and foos ball
(which Megan and I beat two very cute guys in twice!)
Didn't pay for a single drink the entire night.
And woke up with out a hangover!
phew...I was starting to worry lately about my new found sensitivity.

Babysat on Sunday for Nolan and Anna.
We went to Audubon Park, had Sno Balls
and basically sweated our toushies off!
It was nice to get some sun though.
I actually ran into Jenny, my lab person,
and found out I didn't need to show up today!
Whoo hooo!

It has been one great day!
Slept in till 11am,
watched Wimbledon...did anyone see Serena's cramp??
That was CRAZY!!! Poor thing. Thank god it started raining!
I have now officially decided to follow tennis.

Going food shopping with Ashley later.
She's staying at my place for the week.
Some more fun.
I also found out I don't have to work Wednesday or Thursday.
A Gold Star Weekend.
Tuesday we are having a make-up 21st birthday,
and hopefully hitting the mall Wednesday.
Gym Tonight!!! It has to happen!!!

Whew...lots going on.
Glad its not work!
I just have really checked out.
We'll see how the gym trip works out.
Saw Ratatouille yesterday...very cute.
Sort of hyped up, but I really enjoyed it.
I want to see Sicko...
maybe I'll bring it up and we'll do it Wednesday when we hit the mall.

Chinese in a Can

Today was another frustrating day at work.
I really dislike my project and talking with Dr. T
did not go as planned.
He wants me to carry on,
though my results have been opposite of what is seen in various papers.
I'd prefer a different project,
but maybe that makes me a quitter.
Dr. T, literally told me to get out of the dark side of box.
He used my paradigm as a metaphor!!!!
yuck!

I just really want to know I'm doing something meaningful.
This work is such a shot in the dark if you ask me.
Hopefully I'll be proven wrong and it works.
During behavior today I realized that I am so frustrated that I could
careless if it turns one way or another.
Here's hoping for clear results, either way.

In other news...had to miss bowling today :-(
Ended up taking the later shuttle home.
Then napped from 6pm till 10pm.
I was really excited about my chinese food in a can.
I should have known better.
Man was it awful.
Four bites and I"m feeling queasy.

I need sleep.
I don't think I'll be getting much of it this weekend.
Megan is awesome, but energy consuming.
I need sleep.
I am such a loner.
I can't handle friends during the week...gosh I"m such a five year old!
That's not 100% true,
but I could just as easily and happily sleep tomorrow.
I hate that everyday this week,
while at work all I wanted to do was sleep.

Ok, positive for today:
Brian got his grant funding today!
So proud, and hopefully he will be much happier.

Another laughable moment:
Behind closed doors,
bitching about stuff,
Jenny tells Kendrick and I,
"Don't go to grad school. You two better get into med school."

HAHA....working on it!!!

Damn its only Tuesday

I'm never gonna drink again!
Ok, that is a blatant lie,
but damn I feel like shit today.

Megan came into town.
We stopped by Martin's but it was closed.
Ended up at Whole Food buying wine.
Then did dinner at Superior Grill.
Yum.

I had Enchilladas Suiza con Pollo,
guacamole dip, and margaritas!
Ohhh it was delicious.

Back to my place.
One bottle of chardonay down.
Off to Bruno's, $3 pitchers.

Was home relatively early,
but we had lab meeting today.
I got to present my results.
Which would have been great had my experiment worked.

I just generally feel like crap.
And whining makes me feel better.
I want to puke.
I can't believe it is nearly 2pm and I still feel this shitty.

I'm doing behavior on rats.
Ew, does it smell.
I need to find a new gig.
Damn its only Tuesday.

But in funnier times...my favorite quote from yesterday....

"Megan, you're like a three year old in the bath tub, now give me my wine."