I'm a Work in Progress.

Oooh it's been a long summer.
I wish I could say I haven't updated because I'm too busy working,
but alas, this is not the case.
I am unemployed,
not in med school,
and utterly miserable.

I was accepted into a med school in the Grand Cayman,
and decided that I had a bad feeling about it.
Now I'm home,
unemployed,
not in med school,
and utterly miserable.

Well I'm not utterly miserable.
I have a great family....clingy, but great.
And I'm starting to loosen up.
The things in my head are clearer.
I haven't been stress free in a long while.
It is taking some getting used to.
Though I think it is doing a world of good for me.

I'm dating, meeting new people,
and may actually be ready for a serious relationship.
I'm working on getting hired as a teacher.
Well I must get back to bumming around.
Tata!

Some inspiration for the road:

I Have No Idea.

An old friend on campus bumped into me on the steps of
the University Center yesterday.
She asked what I was doing next year,
i.e. post graduation...
With not a hint of disdain or sarcasm,
I honestly answered,
"I have no idea."

She replied, fair enough and laughed.
I, however, have now admitted a truth.
I have no idea what I'm doing after graduation.
More importantly about this conversation,
I have now found an answer that relieves me
of all duty towards others.
All I have to say, is the truth.

Well...the rounded truth.
The truth is I'm worried beyond belief.
I'm planning on retaking the o-chems and the MCAT,
and maybe getting some abroad experience.
It all depends on if the cards fall into place.
Which as of yet, nothing seems to work.
I can't even find work in Tampa.

Now I'm getting bitter.
My blood pressure is going up,
and all control over rationale is slowly slipping away from me.
I feel like a failure.
I am lost and nervous.
Wondering if my expensive degree (approx. 160k)
was worth it.
Thinking what more I could have done.
At the time I always felt I was putting my best effort forward,
Was I?

Is this my fault?
Ofcourse it is,
you have to take responsibility for your own destiny.
But if I accept that,
then maybe I was never good enough.
Does that invalidate going to an expensive school?
Does it free me of the great expectations laid forth,
that are now pushing at my cranium from outside and within?

While this rant has taken a slightly dark tone,
I'm ok.
Ultimately I'm always ok.
Life goes on,
and I will fit somewhere.

Interesting choice of words for an overweight girl.
Hasn't "fitting in" at school, into jeans, with peers, at the bar, on the roller coaster, in the airplane seat...
been the great drama of my life?

Who knew?

Who knew Mexico had such a strong emo following?
People are so angry they have formed riots to "hunt" the emos down.
Now these are people who know how to take care of business.
I'm not sure that's the most important business, but it is easily taken care of atleast.


Graduation in less than two months.
I don't know what I'm doing with myself.
So med school was a bust.
I haven't heard from school schools, but I'm not holding my breath.
This sucks.
Back to Tampa I go.
I have no idea what to do.

Maybe I'll go to Mexico City.
It looks so interesting, and it's supposed to be a megatropolis.
8.7 million plus residents or something like that.
Though I hear the smog is really bad.
But it is an ancient city.
I forget if it is a valley or a plateau...I'm thinking valley.
Anyway, some lovely pictures...






and some intersting mexican art too...

Sick, Sick, Sick!

I have been so sick!
Fever, sore throat, horrible cough (with blood...gross I know).
I think I'm on the mend,
but I just saw on the news
that two women in New Orleans just died of the flue.
They were between 20-30.
Way to freak me out!
Apparently they were severe pnemonia cases,
cases that were immune to antibiotics.
Great.
Just skippy.

Had to get a note from the dean
for my jerk-off calculus teacher.
I'm heaving in front of him,
doctor's note in hand
and the man won't accept my request to postpone the test.
Though now he is willing to drop the grade.
Lovely.

I'm a very unhappy sick person.
My energy is coming back
and hopefully that will be enough to kick butt
on the next round of tests.

Got wait listed at Meharry.
I still want in!!!!
I hope it works out :-)

Lost 3.2 pounds at Weight Watchers.
Total of 7.6 thus far.
Woot. Woot.
Finally a positive!

Also a positive...
Kanye's new video.
Damn, I love Kanye.
When the video is on youtube I'll get it up,
in the meantime,
here is his performance of MaMa at the Grammy's.
One of my favorite songs of his,
and he is amazing.
I nearly teared up.
Damn, I love my mommy!

My Neighbors Hate Me.

So I came home from Nashville last night
and on my door found...
"your alarm clock is OBNOXIOUS"
and the obnoxious was underlined twice.
Apparently it went off Friday morning.
My boss came in and turned it off.
Loudest thing he's ever heard.
Interesting.

The interview went well.
Who knows what that means?
I want in really bad.
Really really bad.
I want Meharry to be my prom date.

It is literally 40 degrees outside.
I have to go to Krewe de Vieux for class tonight.
It is a politically charged walking parade down in the French Quarter.
We'll see if I can get
anyone else to brave the elements.

Found the full Eddie Janet scene!!!!

Enjoy!

New Neighbors.

Clacking of high heels and things moving upstairs.
Groups of gaggling girls back and forth passing my door.
Who am I living amongst?
The door decs next store are guy names.
So they must be some good looking fellows to have all these lady visitors.
I need to investigate!
Maybe a basket of cookies?

So...I think nature is trying to stop my weight loss pursuits.
Today I am to attend my first Weight Watchers meeting in approximately 5 years.
However, there is torrential rain, a flood watch and the temperature is in the 40s.
I'm not sure about the nature of the 15 minute walk to the Jewish community center.
And if I show up wet won't that skew my weight....
well it is the first meeting, best to add on the layers!

Alright, more updates to come when I'm not so busy!
Interview in 2 days!

ps...I LOVE October Road!
Loved the sex scene between Eddie and Janet!
When I find the full scene, not just the intro, I will put it up. It was so tastefully done and just funny, great energy. I LOVE this show!

Old Hickory.

Loving the new Janet Jackson.

I decided I'm over TFA.
Mom agreed they were stupid.
Bitter? meeybe....but its ok.
Nothing should make me lose track of med school.

Today was such an easy going day.
Woke up at 1pm.
Watched a PBS special about Andrew Jackson.
A fascinating man.
Truly a man of the 18th century would aptly describe him in my mind.

Then I took a nap.
Vicki came home,
Mom came home.
Dad called and he's working really really late.
Had some pot roast.
Treated Mom to a mocha a starbucks,
Oh how I love thee!
Now it is time to pack.

Asta luego Tampa!
Bienvenidos a Neuvo Orleans jueves!


Tampa's itty bitty downtown :)

Cinderella's fault.

The female curse,
by which I mean shoe shopping,
all began with Cinderella (that skinny bitch).
Her poor sisters couldn't fit into that slipper,
and by slipper I mean four inch hooker heel.
Ofcourse, all that Prince Charming wanted was a tiny little blonde to fit into a ridiculous shoe (which I suspect caused blisters).


I went to DSW...the mecca of shoe shopping within four miles of my house in search of a pair of shoes to wear at my interview.
Pair after pair of cute,
yet highly uncomfortable and unrealistic shoes.
Have we lost our minds?
It is a proven fact that aesthetics have taken presedence over substance.
However, why the torture?
There must be a balance between the two!
Below is a very informative chart about the effects of high heels.


I found a cute pair of hush puppies that were very comfortable.
Maybe a little old-lady-esque,
but I've been acting more and more like an old lady these days anyway.
Viva la vieja!


Went to Targette,
picked up electronic Catch Phrase.
Now I need to step up and force my RAs to bond.
I've been promoted, incidentily at the time I gave up caring.
Hmm...new life plan?

Ratatouille!

I got Ratatouille for Christmas and I just LOVE it! I keep watching it over and over, and other people keep wanting to see it over and over. It is just great! Went to Borders for the fifth night in a row. My mother is a bad influence. Coffee every night at 9pm combined with sleeping in till 2pm because I have nothing to do has me staying up till 5am. Whatever, I'm on vacation!

I'm excited for my last semester of school. I have a med school interview in two weeks, cross your fingers. I may need to try prayer. Things were so crazy towards the end of last semester. I'm feeling like a granny more and more.

I find out if I got into Teach for America Monday! We'll see where they put me. I'm hoping for St. Louis (my first choice). My second choices were Kansas City (because it was a new site) and New Orleans (comfort I guess, but no Master's program :-/) and then my third choices were New York City and Boston (the only downside is that those are expensive cities to live in and the teacher's pay isn't comparable.



As a side note, I am determined to learn French! It is my goal for the year. I don't plan on being a grammatical genius, but mostly basics and enough to get around if I ever make it to Paris. It is my new obsession. I've always liked it, but very recently I've just had this part of me that is yearning to go there. I wish I had both the time and the money!

Cheer Up.

Its been a few days.
They haven't been crazy,
but they have been plenty busy.
Saturday I went to lunch with Jess at Zea's Rotisserie.
VERY good.
The prices for dinner may not be worth it,
but for lunch it was a great meal.
I had veal with sweat snap peas
and buttered sweet potato!
YUMMY...just writing about it makes me want some now!

Currently I'm waiting to do behavior and inject some ratty rats.
Yuck!

Then after lunch Jess and I saw
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
LOVED it!!!
SO much better than the other movies.
I liked it so much I went with Katy and Haylie
to try and see it at the IMAX theater in Covington.
Unfortunately the IMAX showing was sold out.
Boo.

But we saw it on the regular screen again,
which I didn't mind so much.
I really liked it!
It was dark and intense.
I'm so glad the kids are growing up.
Rupert Grint was pretty cute too!
I hadn't really noticed him before.

Before:


After:

I couldn't find a very good pic online...:-(

There are also more nuiances to the film
Now I can't wait for the 7th book!
Though I may just need to skip to 6 and read fast.
I've been really bad about just picking up the books.
Plus I've been busy too.

I'm trying to finish up the first batch of
secondary applications.
Seriously, the University of Minnesota has 12 questions!
I mean...come on!
But New Jersey only had two, so I went ahead and got that one done.
I just need to reread and get the courage to turn it in.

I did those Saturday afternoon.
At this point Ashley had come in.
She stayed with me that night
and then we moved her in to her new place Sunday.
Then we moved her into her new new place Monday.
But I was treated to Baskin Robbins...woot woot.

Though weird things happened.
We were sitting outside Baskins
and a couple approached us.
They were asking for money,
wife had surgery,
kicked out of brother's house,
need $27 for a motel.

I think in the past I would have ignored them.
But I've been on a social justice kick.
And even if they were lying,
to put your pride aside and ask,
they probably really needed it.
I gave them the $7 in my wallet.

Even now, part of me is thinking,
why?
But even if I was taken advantage of,
atleast I feel like a decent person for trying to take care of our society.
Now I am bummed out.
I can't wait to finish these rats.

I'm supposed to get together with Jenny tonight.
Which means no reading today.
Argh! I love seeing everyone and having a life,
but I am such a loner!!!
I think if I had just had one afternoon this weeekend
I wouldn't be feeling quite so edgey.
Plus work doesn't make me any happier.

So all my Rainbow Brite stuff here...is to make me happy!
Because I feel more like Stormy.


I want to feel like this:



Toooo funny...and perfect!
She could SOOOOOO make that movie!
And I would totally buy a ticket!!!

Chinese in a Can

Today was another frustrating day at work.
I really dislike my project and talking with Dr. T
did not go as planned.
He wants me to carry on,
though my results have been opposite of what is seen in various papers.
I'd prefer a different project,
but maybe that makes me a quitter.
Dr. T, literally told me to get out of the dark side of box.
He used my paradigm as a metaphor!!!!
yuck!

I just really want to know I'm doing something meaningful.
This work is such a shot in the dark if you ask me.
Hopefully I'll be proven wrong and it works.
During behavior today I realized that I am so frustrated that I could
careless if it turns one way or another.
Here's hoping for clear results, either way.

In other news...had to miss bowling today :-(
Ended up taking the later shuttle home.
Then napped from 6pm till 10pm.
I was really excited about my chinese food in a can.
I should have known better.
Man was it awful.
Four bites and I"m feeling queasy.

I need sleep.
I don't think I'll be getting much of it this weekend.
Megan is awesome, but energy consuming.
I need sleep.
I am such a loner.
I can't handle friends during the week...gosh I"m such a five year old!
That's not 100% true,
but I could just as easily and happily sleep tomorrow.
I hate that everyday this week,
while at work all I wanted to do was sleep.

Ok, positive for today:
Brian got his grant funding today!
So proud, and hopefully he will be much happier.

Another laughable moment:
Behind closed doors,
bitching about stuff,
Jenny tells Kendrick and I,
"Don't go to grad school. You two better get into med school."

HAHA....working on it!!!

AMCAS has been turned in.
Scary. Scary. Scary.
So super nervous.
Crossing my fingers.

Had nearly the entire day to myself for once.
It was wonderful.
The roomie is super sweet,
but a bit of a home body.

The only trouble with staying in all day
is that I feel very shlubby.
I should have gone to the gym and did laundry.
My guilt is amounting slightly,
but it was such a great day.

Mostly just sat around.
Watched the tube.
Played on the internet.
Realized how lonely I am.

Well...that was depressing and just a tad emo.
We all have those moments I suppose.
But as of tomorrow, the "get right" plan begins.

I'll explain more if it works!

Summer Storm.

So much of the world fascinates me.
Incredible to think any of us have a place here.
Oak trees planted hundreds of years ago.
Attempting to be a doctor.
Wanting an office and a house.
Wanting to travel.
Wanting to make a family.
So much contradiction.
How does one enjoy their youth with all this?
Hard to make a decision.
That's the brave part.
Easy to stick to the path.
Scary not to succeed along it.
Scarier to stray from it.
Scariest not knowing what's next.

Storming outside.
Two hours now.
Lightning, thunder, the usual.
Got caught outside.
Hung out reading HP at Newcomb.
Decided to stay wet, buy Southern Pecan coffee and read some more at PJs.

Shola sleeps peacefully.
No trains this afternoon.
Time to turn in my AMCAS.
Scary.