Kerli Fries With That?

I am totally feeling this Estonian singer Kerli.
She was featured on Perez Hilton, of course.
But I really think she has potential.
Yea she's kind of blonde Barbie-esque, and it is totally studio produced quirkiness, but I'm ok with it.

Here is the video for Walking on Air


I can't wait to hear the rest of her album!

Updates, updates, updates!
Well I graduated!!!!
Still have no idea what I'm doing,
but I'm starting to be ok with that.
It's actually really nice to be home.
I've actually been able to focus on weight watchers.
I'm taking daily walks...
starting to build a bit of a tan in fact!
My parents want a dog!
Though I suspect this is a ploy to keep me home.

I'm looking at cars.
Boy do I hate car shopping!
They are so expensive and I really don't feel comfortable making a move until I know what my salary is going to look like.
We shall see what I end up with.

So I need to update the blog too,
as I no longer live in New Orleans.
I'm actually ok with Tampa,
for now that is.
I'm trying to adjust,
I think if I can make some friends
and find activities that suit me,
I might be alright.

I'm looking at ballroom dancing,
I need to research book clubs.
I know there is a knitting group that meets at Borders,
I saw them once while on vacation.
Wow, I am such a granny!

HOLY SHIT...I just google imaged granny and this is what came up!!


wicked.

Speaking of grannies, one of my new neighbors is a spitting image of my tiny colombian grandmother...except this lady is kind of a bitch...so I know lovingly refer to her in conversation as Nelly's Evil Twin.

From Here On Known as Soco.

I was asked again by an old friend what my post-gradutation plans were.
Embarassingly, I again had to say I have no idea.
He is going to UVA,
on a full ride,
for his Master's in Roman Art.
I am so happy for him.
I am so disappointed in myself.
I feel so directionless,
and lost and I don't know what to do anymore.
I came up with a plan,
but I don't have confidence in myself to pull it all off.
How utterly frustrating!



Aside from my real life woes,
I had a nice, distracting weekend.
Friday we had a Hullabaloo Fair.
There was a hot dog eating contest.
Eight guys participated.
Winner at 9 hotdogs in 4 minutes.
Gross.
But...it was highly entertaining.

Cecilia turned 19 this weekend.
So we bought a bottle of Southern Comfort,
from here out known as Soco.
Had about 5 Soco and Lime shots,
played some Uno,
and then went out to Brunos.

New Bruno's first.
Some dart, Chris won.
Then Old Bruno's.
After a Corona and 2 Margaritas,
we were properly lit.
Played some pool,
took goofy pictures.
Damnit, I am breaking out like crazy!
I need my body to chill out.

As though that is possible these days.
Between worrying about post-graduation life,
unsuccessfully following weight watchers,
and the mountain of school work I have this semester,
my body doesn't know the meaning of relaxation anymore.

I am reading Eat Pray Love
by Elizabeth Gilbert currently.
It is amazing.
In it she writes about meditation in the ashram in India.
I need to try meditation.
I need time to clear my head.
Which is why, almost not having a plan post-graduation,
may be my saving grace.
I'm trying to spin this...
let me be as delusional I a want!



Ok...well what is not a delusion is the first draft of my 20 page paper due manana!
Time to focus...it's carnival time.
Well my paper is on the spectacle known as Mardi Gras,
too bad analyzing it destroys all happiness surrounding the event.
Once you realize the racist undertones,
and what a celebration of the elite it is,
it's a bit of a buzz kill.

I Have No Idea.

An old friend on campus bumped into me on the steps of
the University Center yesterday.
She asked what I was doing next year,
i.e. post graduation...
With not a hint of disdain or sarcasm,
I honestly answered,
"I have no idea."

She replied, fair enough and laughed.
I, however, have now admitted a truth.
I have no idea what I'm doing after graduation.
More importantly about this conversation,
I have now found an answer that relieves me
of all duty towards others.
All I have to say, is the truth.

Well...the rounded truth.
The truth is I'm worried beyond belief.
I'm planning on retaking the o-chems and the MCAT,
and maybe getting some abroad experience.
It all depends on if the cards fall into place.
Which as of yet, nothing seems to work.
I can't even find work in Tampa.

Now I'm getting bitter.
My blood pressure is going up,
and all control over rationale is slowly slipping away from me.
I feel like a failure.
I am lost and nervous.
Wondering if my expensive degree (approx. 160k)
was worth it.
Thinking what more I could have done.
At the time I always felt I was putting my best effort forward,
Was I?

Is this my fault?
Ofcourse it is,
you have to take responsibility for your own destiny.
But if I accept that,
then maybe I was never good enough.
Does that invalidate going to an expensive school?
Does it free me of the great expectations laid forth,
that are now pushing at my cranium from outside and within?

While this rant has taken a slightly dark tone,
I'm ok.
Ultimately I'm always ok.
Life goes on,
and I will fit somewhere.

Interesting choice of words for an overweight girl.
Hasn't "fitting in" at school, into jeans, with peers, at the bar, on the roller coaster, in the airplane seat...
been the great drama of my life?

Sick, Sick, Sick!

I have been so sick!
Fever, sore throat, horrible cough (with blood...gross I know).
I think I'm on the mend,
but I just saw on the news
that two women in New Orleans just died of the flue.
They were between 20-30.
Way to freak me out!
Apparently they were severe pnemonia cases,
cases that were immune to antibiotics.
Great.
Just skippy.

Had to get a note from the dean
for my jerk-off calculus teacher.
I'm heaving in front of him,
doctor's note in hand
and the man won't accept my request to postpone the test.
Though now he is willing to drop the grade.
Lovely.

I'm a very unhappy sick person.
My energy is coming back
and hopefully that will be enough to kick butt
on the next round of tests.

Got wait listed at Meharry.
I still want in!!!!
I hope it works out :-)

Lost 3.2 pounds at Weight Watchers.
Total of 7.6 thus far.
Woot. Woot.
Finally a positive!

Also a positive...
Kanye's new video.
Damn, I love Kanye.
When the video is on youtube I'll get it up,
in the meantime,
here is his performance of MaMa at the Grammy's.
One of my favorite songs of his,
and he is amazing.
I nearly teared up.
Damn, I love my mommy!

New Neighbors.

Clacking of high heels and things moving upstairs.
Groups of gaggling girls back and forth passing my door.
Who am I living amongst?
The door decs next store are guy names.
So they must be some good looking fellows to have all these lady visitors.
I need to investigate!
Maybe a basket of cookies?

So...I think nature is trying to stop my weight loss pursuits.
Today I am to attend my first Weight Watchers meeting in approximately 5 years.
However, there is torrential rain, a flood watch and the temperature is in the 40s.
I'm not sure about the nature of the 15 minute walk to the Jewish community center.
And if I show up wet won't that skew my weight....
well it is the first meeting, best to add on the layers!

Alright, more updates to come when I'm not so busy!
Interview in 2 days!

ps...I LOVE October Road!
Loved the sex scene between Eddie and Janet!
When I find the full scene, not just the intro, I will put it up. It was so tastefully done and just funny, great energy. I LOVE this show!